Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium in Japan

As much as it's awful to keep a whale shark in captivity, this footage of the Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium's Kuroshio Sea is so calming and surreal. The song by Barcelona Please Don't Go accompanies it perfectly. I think it's just awesome to watch these marine animals swimming gracefully (I am scared of depths so I don't see myself going scuba diving anytime in the near future...so this is the closest I will get to a live marine creature). I am still in awe even after watching this video countless number of times.

Watching this footage again today actually reminded me of my plan in the past to go camp out in front of a huge aquarium for a romantic sleepover with my ex (we didn't get to do it). Either way, I still want to do it- be it alone, with friends or with that special someone. I can actually see myself not wanting to leave the aquarium and having to be dragged out of the place.

Anyways, just thought that I would share the footage here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7deClndzQw

My favourite line from the song accompanying the footage is

"All those arrows you threw, you threw them away"

In my happy place

I turned off all my lights except for my ambience light. Then put on my headphones and played Joshua Radin's I'd Rather Be With You.

"I need to be bold

Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too
Say you feel the way I do"

I'm currently in my happy place where nothing else matters.

Goblet cells containing wine?!?!

We were told yesterday in our GI medicine lecture that goblet cells are named so because they resemble wine goblets. My first thought was, how do wine goblets look like? (and got distracted in the process) Anyways, so I decided to compare side by side a goblet cell and a wine goblet to gauge their resemblance.

Ehh, I wouldn't say that the resemblance is uncanny...your thoughts? Nevertheless, every time I examine a goblet cell under a microscope, I'm going to see wine goblets and think "Ooo...but where's the wine?" One thing I got out of this though is that if I'll remember medical facts like these (well this one is relatively unimportant but you know what I mean) by thinking up of silly associations, so be it! On y va! (I think that means here we go in French)

Alright, I'm going to stop procrastinating and actually open my book now.

Contradiction is our middle name.

I lie in bed tossing and turning. I can’t fall asleep. I’ve put on the fan on the highest setting and tried going to bed twice now, but certain unsettling thoughts start to sink in and I felt like I should put these thoughts into writing. So here it goes: there are certain things in life that I’ve learned for the past 21 years of my life:

We all want to feel some sort of significance. We want to feel that we are important to the world and the people we are close to, yet we often say or do hurtful things we don’t mean.

We want to feel unique, but not so unique that we become an abstract concept that people are too scared to interact with. People don’t truly really like “different”, and if so, then isn’t the concept of unique only within a limited range?

We want to be understood, but we don’t try hard enough to put ourselves in the shoes of others or we don’t listen long enough before judging another.

We’d like to think that we are more accepting than we actually truly are.

We hold concerts to raise money/ fight wars in the name of freedom, but we can’t even bestow the same kind of freedom we all yearn and search for to fellow human beings just like you and me.

We are such contradictory creatures- what we want/need and what we do are not in line, yet we are surprised/ angered/ disappointed by the outcome of things.

I read somewhere that true wisdom comes from the understanding of impermanence. Everything is impermanent. I’d say that we would all treat each other very differently if we knew the world was going to end tomorrow. Things like what others do in their own pursuit of happiness would not matter as much to others. But that’s the sad thing, we need death to remind us of what’s truly important in our life, and what shouldn’t matter as much.

So love those you’ve always wanted to love. Give others a taste of what you can fully give without expecting anything in return. Try to be a Mother Teresa to the world. Do what you’ve always wanted to do. You never know when you will leave this world. And whenever you feel down or sad, remember that every second that you spend frowning, is every second you could be smiling.

Death is the single best invention of life. And the funny thing is, this is still contradictory. We should all have contradiction as our middle name.

Now that I’ve organized my thoughts, I’m going to try to fall asleep for the third time. Goodnight.

Song of the moment: Heartbeat- Enrique Eglesias ft Nicole Sherzinger

John Mayer on Simplicity

I don't remember particularly how I ended up reading John Mayer's blog. I know what you are thinking, out of all people, why would I bother reading an article by John Mayer about simplicity. To be honest, I wasn't expecting anything philosophical but a good laugh. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised. This article really spoke volumes to me because I feel like I could relate to many of the things he's said (the parts of the article that I thought were particularly interesting are bolded) :

_________________________________________

Simple. by John Mayer Posted on July 13th, 2010

I wish that when I was younger I could have met my current self. We would have sat down at a coffee shop so that I could explain life to young me in terms that only we would understand. It would have saved me a lot of hardship.

You can listen to all the sage wisdom you want, but things only make sense when you can explain them to yourself in your own words. For instance, I’ve been told for three years that Breaking Bad is the best show on television, but only after I watched it was I able to tell myself exactly why everyone was right. Other truths I know now that I can explain them: that I’m not missing any crucial information and that poker really isn’t all that fun; that heartbreaks do fade but they take about a year longer than you expect and by the time they do you really don’t care about it enough to notice; and above all else, life is simpler than you think.

I used to think that life was an intricate series of levers and pulleys, buttons and switches, Mexican standoffs and hostage negotiations. As I get older I realize that life is more Netherlands minimalist than Jackson Pollock. The problems don’t get fewer, and in fact they grow in number, but the way I index them in the database is different. More problems get filed under fewer category headers.

Things are getting simpler, and it’s making life better. Here’s the cheat sheet:

People want to be liked. We all crave attention and affection and we all reject shame. When we get embarrassed we send a thug version of ourselves to the forefront to do our fighting for us. We’re at the top of the food chain just under fear. We don’t want to be in a relationship to hear the words “I love you,” we want to be in a relationship to say the words “I love you.” We want to feel needed, and exceptional and we hate feeling insignificant. We want to ace a hearing test. We are binary creatures; if we’re the plaintiff, we want to win every dollar. If we’re the defendant, we want guard every penny. We want to make more money than last year. We don’t want to get cancer or die in our cars and we want the same for our loved ones. We go out on weekends to try and have sex while trying not to get punched in the face. We drink so we can be ourselves and not mind it so much. We’re desperate to be understood. We want to know someone else has felt it, too. We hate being judged unfairly. We want to make the person we heard wasn’t all that into us change their minds and admit they had us wrong. We want sunny skies with a chance of killer tornadoes, just to keep music sounding good. We take hours upon hours to admit to self consciousness. We don’t know exactly how to pleasure each other. We just want love. In any and every form.

See? It’s simple. :)

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My thoughts (continued): When we see the simplicities of life, I think we can begin to see our problems from another perspective and realize that they aren't as impossible in the grand scheme of things. Ajahn Brahm, a physicist turned monk, once said that actually in the grand scheme of things, our choices don't really matter, whether you picked this car over that one, or to do this action over that action. I like that view of the world. Simple means that we can, instead of worrying about the past or the future, be more aware of the present moment. Now that's beautiful.

On helping others realize their potential...

http://www.stevenaitchison.co.uk/blog/2010/03/11/the-night-i-gave-up-on-life/

Here is the article in case the link doesn't work in the future:

The Night I Gave Up On Life

by STEVEN AITCHISON on MARCH 11, 2010 ·

I don’t quite know why I am sharing this extremely personal story with you now, except that there is a little voice pushing me to let it out, and I am acting on that.

This story might be upsetting for some and it might make others feel angry and for that I apologise.

I want to tell you about the night I gave up on life.

It was back in 1990, my life looked as if it was going well, I had a lot of friends, I had a decent job, I had travelled a bit, I had good looks, I had money in my pocket, the works. The thing is I wasn’t all that happy and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I was unhappy inside. I used to fantasize about ending my life, it was actually a real comfort to know that I had the choice of living or dying.

I used to plan how I was going to end my life so as it would look like an accident to lessen the pain on my family, my favourite fantasy was jumping off a tall building.

One night, I was working in a bar and I was walking the 2 mile walk home late at about 1am. The rain could be heard thundering down onto the pavements. I was walking slowly in the rain as I liked the feel of rain against my skin. I noticed in the distance a dog, and it was limping quite heavily. When the dog got closer, I noticed the dog had only 3 legs as it ran past me. For no reason, I started crying uncontrollably as I felt so sorry for this dog. I couldn’t get the dog out of my mind the next day, and wondered why I was so upset by it. I realised I felt like the dog: alone, soaked, not fully functional and nowhere to go.

A few nights later I decided that the jacket of life no longer fitted me and I was taking the jacket off for good. I said goodnight to my mum and dad, I called my sisters earlier on to tell them I loved them. I took 26 strong sleeping tablets up to my bedroom after telling my dad not to wake me up in the morning for work as I had a days holiday. I sat in bed with the tablets, a glass of milk and cried as I took each tablet. I cried for my mum, and at how heartbroken she would be, I cried for my dad as I had only told him I loved him once in my life. I cried for my sisters as I would miss them terribly and knew they would miss me. I took all 26 tablets and put my head on my pillow to die. I am crying as I write this just now.

I can’t quite remember when I woke up, I was in hospital and two of my friends were there with my mum and dad and sisters. I had been unconscious, I honestly don’t know how long as I have never spoken of this to my family since. The morning after I had taken the tablets my dad was up for work as normal. He didn’t wake me up as I had told him not to, however he heard a bang when he got up at around 5am. Apparently I had fallen out of bed. That fall , and my dad hearing it, saved my life, I believe.

When I woke up in the hospital there was a lot of crying, a lot of questions and a lot of explaining. The hospital psychiatrist came round and asked if I needed help. I told her I knew why I had done it and I was going to rectify the issues in my life. I felt ashamed, guilty, upset and angry at myself at having to put my family through something as awful as this just because I didn’t have the balls to sort out some of my problems.

I didn’t feel I fitted into life, with the friends I had, the job, just everything. What did I do? I started over. I dropped my friends as I realised they were drinking buddies and not friends, I changed my job, I upgraded my skills, I got my finances sorted out and moved to another city. I have never looked back since and I have been on a quest ever since to find myself and share the knowledge I have with others.

Lessons From That Night

Nothing and I mean nothing is so bad that you have to take your own life. There are always options and if the worst comes to the worst, drop everything and start again. If you are in this situation just now, please believe me when I say it will get better and there are people who can help.

I’ve learned to tell others how much I love them and how much I appreciate them.

I’ve learned to look for the signs that others might need help.

I mentioned earlier the jacket did not fit, what I realised when I awoke in the hospital was that the jacket can be altered to fit me and I didn’t have to fit the jacket.

I have learned so much more over the years since that night and my long standing depression was lifted in one decision – I will change my life to suit me.

My thoughts:

I stumbled upon this article today while surfing through some personal development blogs and was moved to tears. I particularly enjoyed the way he described his previous life as a jacket put on him that didn't fit him, and how instead, he can alter the jacket to fit him, translating to the idea that you can change your life to suit you! (I'm a sucker for these descriptions I realize).

I think it's amazing that he could share such a deeply personal and private experience with the general public, especially considering the stigma associated with attempted suicide. What really got to me about this article was that the author was selfless enough to put himself on the line so others can benefit (so I'm thinking along the lines of a suicidal reader feeling like they're not alone in feeling that specific way) and get to realize their own potential. That in itself, I believe, is such an inspiration. I want to learn to be more like that.

Song of the moment: Colors by Amos Lee

I'm back!

I am back!

After going off facebook for around 2 months now, I have embarked on a personal journey to rediscover my priorities and form new habits. Amongst them, I have started a new practice of setting aside time each day to self-reflect and write in my journal. I call this my “down time”. During this time, I usually browse through personal development articles, listen to songs and decipher lyrics, and (odd as it may sound) try to put myself in the shoes of others – to see things from different perspectives. So I thought, why not share these articles and my thoughts on them with others. Perhaps I can also share the wonderful things I’ve learned in my journey in becoming a physician and hope that these things will be able to benefit others as much or even more than they did benefit me. A good friend told me that blogs are one way communication modes (this bothered me before), but I remember when she said that the beauty about blogs is you choose what you want to share with others, and what not to. So here it is, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy sharing my thoughts with the anonymous you.